As most of you know, my blogs contain an abundance of useful information that you and your fellow comrades can take into the world and use as to spread peace and joy. With the holidays fast on our asses, I think it’s important that we remember a few key things to enjoy them safely.

1. Always have a tape recorder handy so when one of your parents gets really drunk off the Vino and divulges the positions in which they “banged” your moms hot box and had her beggin for more, you can use it to guarantee any Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanzaa, etc etc gift for the rest of your days.

2. Remember that when you’re shopping for Christmas, it’s always wise to buy other people gifts. I know it can get overwhelming. There’s so much to be bought and it all looks good on your fine ass. Just be sure to stop buy the soap isle and get your mom something nice.

3. This year, get your grandma some underwear. I mean, she seems to think it’s a pretty sweet gift. Maybe she’s been trying to tell you something.

4. Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving “black friday?” I’ll tell you why, cause the night before you got so damn drunk that you blacked out and didn’t wake up ’til “wake up” Saturday.  Please drink responsibly.

5. Last but not least, when you bring home that special someone, be sure they’re die hard republicans or good liars. It’s every right winged parents nightmare to have their child bring home a lefty, bra burnin, homo lovin, nationwide health insurance wantin, save the planet so your children’s, children can live to see another day demi liberal prick bastard. Tell em to Lie… you did.

Good Luck out there!

And Happy Thanks Giving